Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
