i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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