i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
