Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
