Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
