The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
