whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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