The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
