Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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