a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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