I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
