i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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