smell my finger.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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