her facebook's as public as her vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
