that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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