the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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