Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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