Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
