I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
