I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He? As in you personified your dick?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
