My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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