apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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