Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
