Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
