carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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