if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
