your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont even know how to be here
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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