Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
