hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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