Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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