I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
