His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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