I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
