Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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