i wish my penis had a tongue
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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