Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
