i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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