You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
