look no pants
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
