hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
