Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
