It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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