He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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