i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just threw up on my dentist
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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