Jerry, you need to find god
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
why do cheetos always look like penises
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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