i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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