Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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