i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
