just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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