Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
