Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
