i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Im part way to drunk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
